Doris L. Bryant - Experience for 2010 Women’s Division General Meeting
Doris L. Bryant
Experience for 2010 Women’s Division General Meeting
When I began practicing in 1976, at the beginning of each meeting, we used to recite the famous passage from Kaimoku Sho or in English, “The Opening of the Eyes” gosho from Volume 1 of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin which says, “Although I and my disciples may encounter various difficulties, if we do not harbor doubts in our hearts, we will as a matter of course attain Buddhahood. Do not have doubts simply because you do not enjoy an easy and secure existence in this life. This is what I have taught my disciples morning and evening, and yet they begin to harbor doubts and abandon their faith. Foolish men are likely to forget the promises they have made when the crucial moment comes.”
I recited this passage in both Japanese and in English but I had no real idea what it truly meant or that I would come to live what it says. I could not understand why the members around me throughout my years of practice would attain all these material benefits but somehow I didn’t. I practiced with all my might or at least that’s what I thought. I went to every meeting, many times everyday of every week that there was one. I went to meetings in Japanese, meetings for Men’s Division, meetings that required staying to make costumes or get guidance at 3 or 4 in the morning. I attended daimoku sessions during my lunch break. I even went to a meeting during an unprecedented ice storm and was the only member to show up. I did Ushitora (midnight) gongyo countless times! I always was eager to do activities for Kosen Rufu (world peace) and I sought guidance so often, I was once criticized for it because I was always seeking and never absorbing.
Then one day my chapter leader told me, “Doris, you can’t just read the gosho and that’s it, everything’s ok. You have to absorb what you read; you have to live the gosho and strengthen your faith.” It still took some time before those words sank in. I still had only a shallow understanding. I kept practicing but I was not standing up on my own. My lazy nature and my fundamental darkness were in control, not me. I began to doubt the power of the Gohonzon and was easily swayed by anything that happened in my life or anything anyone said. I begrudged my life and began to harbor ill feelings. I lost my sense of appreciation and my resolve to win over myself and my circumstances.
My situation worsened and I ended up abandoned and abused, homeless and sick. I suffered with obesity, depression, social anxiety, diabetes, congestive heart failure, gastrointestinal issues and high blood pressure. My husband left me and our children, taking all of the money in our bank account and the monthly bills were due. Shortly after that, I was in a car accident that totaled the car, faced life threatening illnesses three different times that brought me within days of losing my life, then the house we rented flooded and I went through 13 evictions before ending up homeless, living in my car, then in a shelter for 4 months while separated from my children. It was during this same time that one of my daughters was sexually assaulted and the other was admitted to a mental facility for adolescent depression. I was ridiculed, judged and reprimanded for my weight, my race, my behavior and my lack of material wealth. Still, I didn’t get the real message and couldn’t see that real benefit is inconspicuous, but I did continue to practice.
Then, during a pioneer meeting with Mrs. Elliot, I worked up the courage to ask why my life always seemed to be in winter that never turned to spring. This time the guidance didn’t go over my head. It hit me square in my face. I was told that I was being lazy and to begin chanting 2 hours a day. This was easier said than done and I only kept up this new goal for 6 months. But the Gohonzon is absolute and I began to gain the wisdom to see my life with true clarity. When I gave in to my lazy nature again, I became seriously ill and my cardiologist announced to me during a routine visit that I was in danger of literally dropping dead. This was another “wake up call” for me. I began to treasure my life and sincerely appreciate my fortune to practice.
I started to see how easily I was swayed by my circumstances. I understood why I begrudged my life and regretted my choices. And it all came to me only recently when doubt, fear, worry and lack of appreciation and resolve almost caused me to “forget the promises I had made and abandon my faith.” Under the influence of my fundamental darkness, I considered leaving the organization and abandoning my vow to the Gohonzon and Sensei because I was not leading a peaceful, easy and secure life. I wanted to escape, but I remembered the adversity Sensei and Nichiren Daishonin endured that I had read about so I began to chant with all my heart.
Suddenly through chanting daily for 3 hours again, studying Sensei’s guidance and the Daishonin’s teachings, and with the tireless support of my children, my leaders and the members of this magnificent organization, I realized that I was living and absorbing the gosho by doing my human revolution. Each hardship I faced and each goal I desired to fulfill was my benefit to show the validity of this Gohonzon to others and to myself. My obstacles are my opportunities to empower and transform myself to change my karma. My life, my mission is to show that no matter what we face or how long it takes, we will “as a matter of course attain Buddhahood” just as the gosho states. And I will never forget the promise I have mad to practice and propagate Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism.
I have withstood great adversity to practice but ultimately it was my arrogance that caused my faith to waiver and it was study and daimoku that opened my eyes to why. Together, President Toda and President Ikeda used to study “Letter from Sado” which heralds the mentor/disciple spirit for inspiration during times of adversity. In his lecture on the this gosho (in the 2010 Jan/Feb. Living Buddhism), President Ikeda says, “Nichiren’s writings can rouse an indomitable fighting spirit in the hearts of those buffeted by the bitter winds of suffering and adversity. When his invincible spirit pulses in our lives, nothing can intimidate us. As long as we make a point of reading his writings and internalizing their lessons, no karma can defeat us. And as long as we dedicate ourselves to the way of mentor and disciple, no obstacles or devilish functions can hinder us. Please be confident that by living based on Nichiren’s writings and in accord with the path of a disciple, you can break through any obstacle or limitation.”
Thank you.
