Overcoming Anger
Overcoming Anger
by Kim Stoilis
Houston
Six years ago I found a job at a respected non-profit organization dedicated to tapping into the creative nature of others. My responsibilities included planning an annual parade and numerous year-round workshops and outreach programs for at-risk youth recovering from traumatic brain injury.
As a non-profit organization, finances and career growth were limited. I was promoted to artistic director but my salary was modest and since the executive director had been there 25 years, she was not leaving anytime soon.
In 2006, my coworkers and I were promised raises that we did not receive. Three months later we had a job opening and, as one of the senior staff, I was involved in the hiring process. We took interest in one candidate whose salary request was out of our organization’s budget. Interested in the candidate, the committee agreed to offer him a rate we could afford.
Surprisingly, without discussion and acting in a panic to fill the position, my boss hired the candidate at a substantially higher salary than everyone else in the office. I was demoralized and then angry. When angry, I’m the kind of person who can suck all the air out of a room. I chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo each day to remain calm and collected. To further challenge my inner turmoil, I brought cookies into work, even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t care if anyone ate them; I just needed to make a cause to counteract my frustration. To me, this was a situation that had to be challenged. It was one thing being a low-paying environment—we were all in the same boat—but once someone was given special treatment, I felt we all then deserved equal attention.
I chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and spoke to my seniors in faith for guidance and encouragement. Taking on leadership as a district women’s leader, I understood the importance of member care. I summoned up my courage to speak out on behalf of the office. I decided to confront my boss about my feelings. As a result, my coworkers and I were promised that our salaries would be raised by the end of the year. But this left six months of working knowing that our newest, least experienced employee was making more than everyone else on staff. I was exhausted but determined to do my best and support my boss.
Six months later, our salaries remained the same. I was discouraged. I was in the midst of preparing for the Houston Art Car Parade, a huge event for us, but I wanted to leave. Still, I wanted to do my best and show actual proof of victory. I was proud of what I had already accomplished.
That year, I went to the SGI-USA Florida Nature and Culture Center. I learned that to disparage another person is not just treating them negatively. It’s human nature to fall prey to our negative tendencies, but it becomes a problem when we stop listening to others.
It was clear that I was disparaging my boss. I had reached a place where no matter what my boss said, I didn’t listen. I would walk past her office without even turning my head to look at her. Recognizing my arrogance I decided that whether I was there for one day or 10 years more, I would do my best. I resolved to chant for my boss to be the best executive director she could be and I began stopping by her office to rebuild our relationship.
It was my busiest time of the year. I chanted to be a person capable of a 1,000 so that I would have the time, vision and energy to expand my life and not be limited by my situation. In the meantime, I began looking for work elsewhere. Suddenly, I was told I was getting nine months of my back-salary adjustment and also the raise I had been promised for more than a year. I received both checks as promised.
I had burned no bridges, my efforts produced some great events for the community, all the staff got raises and I was happy—but I was not done. I chanted to really show actual proof. For me this meant organizing the best Houston Art Car Parade ever and getting a better, higher-paying job so that I could contribute more to kosen-rufu.
I was working long hours and in the process of a three-month interview for a job that would potentially result in a promotion and a substantial raise. If hired, I would be the executive director of a non-profit organization that produces a top-five nationally ranked event with proceeds benefiting many local charities and other non-profits. Being promoted to that level has always been a goal of mine.
I made it to the final round of interviews and made a presentation to the Board of Directors. I did this the Monday after the Houston Art Car Parade—for the past three days I had been directly responsible for events throughout Houston. The mayor’s office estimated an additional 50,000 people attended the parade over last year’s 250,000.
The next morning, I was offered the position at the new company and I accepted. I began my new job as the executive director. Since then, I already broke our attendance record twice consecutively after my first two events. As a result, we have raised a generous amount of money for local non-profits in Houston.
I am determined to show actual proof of Nichiren Buddhism to the staff, board of directors, artists and the city through my work. I am so happy that instead of being angry and defeated, my Buddhist practice has enabled me to overcome all obstacles together with others.
David Beber contributed to this article.
